Doctor Jokes Humor and Satire
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      • Drawn Blinds
        01/31/08
        The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.

        "Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.

        "Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn'

      • I don't see anything wrong
        01/30/08
        An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex. While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't see anything wrong!"

        A week later they come again and ask the doctor to watc

      • Top Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear In Surgery
        01/29/08
        1. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

        2. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?

        3. Darn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!

        4. Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!

        5. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie

      • Heart Transplant
        01/29/08
        A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

        "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

        "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax i

      • Even More More Quick Doctor Jokes
        01/29/08
        Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?
        Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

        Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
        Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

        Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
        P

      • Drinking
        01/29/08
        As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

        "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"

      • Bad Cure
        01/29/08
        A primary care Doctor, entrusted his practice to his son - a recent medical school graduate. When the the father returned, the son told him among other things, that he had cured Ms. Anderson, an aged and wealthy spinster, of her chronic indigestion.

        "My boy," said the father, &q

      • Doctor One Liners
        01/28/08
        Doctor I swallowed a bone.
        Are you choking?
        No, I really did!

        Doctor I think I need glasses
        You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

        Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
        Use a pencil ?till I get there

        Doctor I think

      • Broken Leg
        01/26/08
        "How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

        "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."

        "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

        "Like I was saying...25 years ago,

      • Birth Controll Pills
        01/25/08
        Mrs. Jones went to visit her doctor. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

        Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Jones, but you're 68 years old. What possible use

      • Expectant Daughter
        01/24/08
        A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist's office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said.

        The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, &qu

      • Even More Quick Doctor Jokes
        01/24/08
        A patient walks into a doctor's office.
        Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.
        Doctor: Next!

        A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
        John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
        Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

        A

      • Good News Bad News 2
        01/23/08
        An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

        "I have good news and bad news, "the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your

      • Waiting Room
        01/23/08
        I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

        The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chew

      • Will It Hurt Much
        01/22/08
        A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

        The doctor answered, "Well, that varies fr

      • More Quick Doctor Jokes
        01/21/08
        Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
        Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
        Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

      • Quick Doctor Jokes
        01/21/08
        Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
        Nurse: No change yet.

        Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
        Doctor: Sell!

        Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, to

      • Good News Bad News 1
        01/21/08
        Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

        Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

        Patient: What happened?

        Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

        Patient: Give me the bad news