There once was a poor lad named Timmy who had the misfortune of being born with only a head - no arms, no legs, nothing but a head. Now Timmy was a basically happy person and he was loved and cared for by his family. As long as he stayed within the shelter of his family he was unworried by his condition, but as soon as he was thrust out into the world he knew that something was seriously wrong. He began to dream about being a whole person with arms and legs and a body. He thought of nothing else. It became an obsession.

Then one day, Timmy heard of the famous Dr. Helen Von Rigginbottom, a physician who had been experimenting with cloning and tissue regeneration. Timmy grew so excited he could hardly contain himself. He had himself rushed to the doctor and made an appointment. When the doctor met with Timmy all of his hopes and dreams came true. The doctor assured Timmy that she could help him and would make him into a whole person, but she warned him that it could be a dramatic change and he should consider all of the ramifications. She began to list some of the many problems he might have, but he would not listen. She consented and game Timmy the injection that would start the process.

Timmy went home and tossed and turned on his pillow all night. Eventually, he fell asleep. The next morning when he awoke Timmy was surprised to discover that he was a whole person. He had arms and legs and a body. He was so excited and grateful that he just had to thank the doctor, so he ran out of the house, across the street and was hit by a truck and killed. And of course the moral of our story is: While you’re a head, stay ahead.

A lady midget goes into a doctor’s office on a rainy day and tells the doctor, "Doc, every time it rains, I get this terrible pain in my crotch."

He says, "Hop up on the examination table and I’ll see what I can do."

She gets up on the table, he works on her awhile, and then he tells her, "Okay, hop down."

She gets down off the table, stands there a second, and then says, "Doc! I feel great! What’d you do?"

He says, "I cut two inches off the top of your galoshes."

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I’m a vet - I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down."

Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.

The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."

The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"