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"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next ten months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-212246 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 24 May 2008 02:22:46 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-212246 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-185256
There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole, there’s a guy who specializes in your hole.

They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can’t help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why?

So he can make a new hole!]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-185256 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 11 May 2008 23:52:56 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080511-185256 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-221947
He said, Shingles.

She took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had.

He said, Shingles.

She took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.

He said, Shingles.

So gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.He said, Shingles.

The doctor asked, where.

He said, outside in the truck, where do you want them?]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-221947 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 05 May 2008 03:19:47 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080504-221947 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-210617
St. Peter says to the first of the trio: "You know the routine. Let's hear what you did with your life."

The first one says: "Uh, well, I graduated second in my class from Yale, and decided to devote my career to the prevention of lazy-eye blindness in children. I've written more than twenty papers on the subject, have lectured at every medical society in the world, and was awarded the Nobel prize for medicine in recognition of my contributions, small as they were."

Peter looks at him and says: "Heck, I don't even need to call on you, I read some of your lectures myself. You're in!"

Sound of trumpets, gates open, angels carry him inside. "See you guys at the nineteenth hole!" he yells over his shoulder.

Peter says to the second of the trio: "OK, you're next. You know the routine. Let's hear what you did with your life."

Number two clears his throat and speaks quietly: "I, uh, didn't have the illustrious career of my fellow, but I can honestly say that I lived a good and productive life, and that I never cheated anybody or bent the rules to make my job easier. Come to think of it, I should also mention that I've spent one day a month at the free clinic for the past twenty-three years, helping to assure proper neo-natal and pre-natal care for disadvantaged mothers and children."

Peter looks at him and says: "Hmmm..." He picks up the gold plated telephone, says "Yes, sir", and listens for a moment: then nods, puts the phone down and says "The boss says the free clinic counts for a lot, and he'll let you slide on the affair with what's-his-name's secretary: you're in, too."

"OK", says the Archangel, "third ones the charm. How about you?"

The last doctor straightens his back, looks him in the eye and speaks: "I realized very early on that my expertise was as a people manager, and I've made a solid career by forging proactive alliances between doctors, nurses, patients, and other health care professionals. I managed the Wall street Community Health Plan for seventeen years, and during my stay I formed the first Tiger teams in health care management, combining professionals from all areas of expertise to contain health care costs and establish realistic levels of care and service on a going forward basis. During my tenure at WCHP, the average cost of care per patient declined over sixty-four percent."

Saint Peter raises an eyebrow, and then the phone chimes: he lifts it slowly. "Yes, sir. Yes, sir, sixty-four percent". After a moment more, he smiles, and says "of course, sir, that's very fair."

"The boss says you can come in, too", he tells the much-relieved executive.

The gates slide open, the trumpets blare, the angels come out, and then Peter intones:

"Oh, by the way - the head guy only authorized you a two-day stay."]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-210617 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:06:17 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080424-210617 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-201622
The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.

The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

1 screw $ 1

Knowing how to put it in $4999

$5000 total

The businessman promptly paid.]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-201622 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 05 Apr 2008 01:16:22 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080404-201622 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080320-015646
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080320-015646 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:56:46 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080320-015646 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080316-193521
He talks to him. Nothing obvious.

He gives him projective tests. Nothing shows up.

Finally, in desperation, he gives him some paper and a box of crayons.

"Oh goody," says the boy, "I get an old box in school and only black and brown were left."]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080316-193521 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:35:21 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080316-193521 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-021427
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts."

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."

Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor thought for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken index finger."]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-021427 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 13 Mar 2008 07:14:27 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080313-021427 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-212837
The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder. "When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I’m already here."
]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-212837 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 07 Mar 2008 03:28:37 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080306-212837 http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-203802
When they get to the movie theatre, there are wet paint signs pointing to the benches.

The shrinks just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The shrinks get all excited because they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, "Why did you put the newspaper down first?"

He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."]]> http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-203802 Resources For Attorneys dj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 04 Mar 2008 02:38:02 GMT http://doctorjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080303-203802